Thinking About Your Partner 24/7 Is Pretty Typical In New Relationships
ost of us have been there: Your mind wanders at work, and you totally miss a chat from your boss because you’re daydreaming about the incredible makeout sesh you had earlier with your boo. You absentmindedly start to cross the street (barely noticing oncoming traffic just in time) while obsessing about the local food festival you’re hitting together this weekend. Later, you can’t concentrate on your philosophy reading for class because you keep replaying that hilarious thing they said the other day. Basically, you’re thinking nonstop about your partner — to the point where you’re wondering: “Why can’t I stop thinking about my boyfriend? Is this even healthy?”
It turns out, it’s actually a pretty common phenomenon. In fact, people in love have admitted to spending an average of more than 85 percent of their waking hours thinking about their objects of affection, according to 2016 research led by Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher. So you can rest assured that you’re not alone if you often feel distracted musing and fantasizing about your SO. Still, does that mean it’s normal or healthy to be so consumed with these thoughts? When should you be concerned? And is there anything you can do about it? Fortunately I spoke with two relationship experts, who weighed in on the subject.
Psychology
Thinking About Your Partner 24/7 Is Pretty Typical In New Relationships
Remember, Your Relationship Will Evolve Over Time — And That’s Healthy!
The important thing to remember is that a relationship is a living, breathing thing that is guaranteed to evolve over time. Once you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it’s fairly likely that those obsessive thoughts will calm down. That doesn’t mean you’re falling out of love with them — in fact, it can be a good thing.
“Since your relationship is more secure, when you are apart, you are able to focus more on yourself, your goals, and needs,” explains Ruiz. “Differentiation means you know who you are independent from them and from being in a relationship. A strong sense of self develops, which will lead to a healthier well being and healthier relationship.”
As a general rule, Ruiz says, “You shouldn’t spend more time thinking about your partner than you do about you and your goals and plans.”To recap, it’s totally normal to feel like your significant other is taking up a large chunk of your brain space, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. Of course, if it becomes concerning or begins negatively impacting other areas of your life in any way, you can also take steps to manage the obsessive thinking. If you’re wondering whether you’ll always be consumed with thoughts about your boo, consider this: studies have shown that as a relationship progresses into a long-term partnership, thoughts about one’s partner begin to activate brain areas associated with attachment more than those linked to obsessive thinking. That means you can get back to work, listen to your BFF’s bar story from last night, and focus on things other than the love of your life (phew!).
